


In Your Veins

by too_old_for_fangirling_but_idc



Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF, Real Person Fiction
Genre: Actor Tom Hiddleston, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Exhaustion, Heavy Angst, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Kidnapping, M/M, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Original Character(s), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Protective Chris, Protective Luke, Psychic Violence, Psychological Trauma, Psychologists & Psychiatrists, Self-Hatred, Side Effects, Suicidal Thoughts, Survival Horror, Tom Hiddleston Is A Sweetheart, Triggers, Weight Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-12-26
Updated: 2018-04-29
Packaged: 2019-02-22 02:05:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13156896
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/too_old_for_fangirling_but_idc/pseuds/too_old_for_fangirling_but_idc
Summary: Tom’s behaviour starts to get weird after he got lost while on his way back home from the airport in the middle of the night.





	1. One

 

“Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to London Heathrow Airport. Local time is 8 pm and the temperature is 10 degrees. For your safety and comfort, please remain seated with your seat belt fastened until the Captain turns off the ‘Fasten Seat Belt’ sign. This will indicate that we have parked at the gate and that it is safe for you to move about.”

It was a squash landing. The airplane rocking and bucking as it tardily slowed down and came to an abrupt halt on the landing runway. Toms’ cramped fingers slackened off, allowing the white around the knuckles to ease off until they took on normal skin colour again. On the seat next to him Luke began fumbling with his seat belt and looking around in an attempt to get up as soon as possible. The pressure on his heart faded, he felt a sudden relief of being on the ground again. It wasn’t that he was afraid of flights. It was only the height making him inwardly anxious and nervous like a five year old kid.

“Please check around your seat for any personal belongings you may have brought on board with you and please use caution when opening the overhead bins, as heavy articles may have shifted around during the flight. If you require deplaning assistance, please remain in your seat until all other passengers have deplaned. One of our crew members will then be pleased to assist you.”

Luke’s seat belt instantly snapped open when the signs went out and he sprang to his feet, eager to push past Tom who was still sitting with his hands curled into loose fists.

“On behalf of the entire crew, I’d like to thank you for joining us on this trip and we are looking forward to seeing you on board again in the near future. Have a nice night!”

“Tom, come on!”

Toms arm was grabbed and pulled wherefore he had to straighten up and follow his agent through the crowd of people. It still was beyond Tom how the other male always managed to get them through such a bunch of bodies without them either ending up hurt or killed by shortage of space.

“Come on, hurry up.”

Nobody was waiting for them. Aside from Toms’ bedroom, a cup filled with hot tea, and casual clothing in which he finally would be able to lay down again without having to worry about any dirt on the expensive suit trousers he was wearing. He strolled around absent-mindedly, not even noticing Luke who had taken hold of his upper-arm and was now guiding him down the stairs and into the waiting bus.

“You’re engrossed in thought again.” Luke placed his hand between Toms’ shoulder blades to steady him and let the man rest his head against his chest. He knew all too well that the actor wasn’t always capable of putting the stress of the flight and prior days of work away as though nothing had happened. All the more his desire to get home increased with every second that passed by. He pressed his palm flat on Toms’ lower back and led him straight to the baggage claim area where he quickly looked around for a bench.

“Look, you can sit down right over there whilst I’ll check on our luggage, alright?”

At first Toms’ mind was insistent that he was indeed well enough to stand and assist Luke with lifting down the suitcases off the baggage carousel. Then he noticed that said man had already steered him towards the bench. “I think I-“

Luke cut him off. “Not a word, Tom.”There were hands on his shoulders that pushed him downwards until he gave in and squatted. “You will stay here. I’ll come when I’ve got all our bags.”

He watched his agent as he walked back in the slowly growing crowd and scurried around hastily, every now and then coming to a hold to impatiently eye up the treadmill. The first suitcase had arrived within less than five minutes but the last one still wasn’t there yet and Luke got a bit uneasy the more time passed by. He repeatedly flashed Tom small glances, just to make sure that he was still sitting where he had left him. It wasn’t until he beheld the second bag that he had definitely reassured himself of Tom’s well-being and payed full attention to the luggage he now had to haul up. They had a schedule to keep and Tom would only have two days off to regain some strength and composure. At the mere thought of it Luke started worrying again. What about Tom’s weight that had been decreasing again and again over the past two months and the ever growing dark shadows beneath his eyes that definitely hadn’t been there before, or the small scratches on his wrists and underarms. The more he agonised about it, the more suspicious things that hadn’t caught his eye before, seemed to appear and destroy Tom’s at least somewhat healthy looks.

When he somehow had managed to carry both, the two suitcases and his own hand luggage, back to Tom who was still watching him, racked with guilt, he handed one bag over to him. Small worry lines formed on his forehead as Tom slowly dragged himself to his feet and obviously struggled to fight the dizziness, taking two small steps to the side and redressing his balance with the aid of the back of the bench.

“Hey there…Don’t rush it now.”

“M’ fine.”

“Yes, I’m sure you are.” He sounded more sarcastic than he had actually intended to. But then again he was quite determined that Tom hadn’t even realised the disbelieving undertone.

“Tomorrow is my day off, isn’t it?” His casual tone more and more shaded off into exhausted muttering while they stepped into the cool night air.

Instead of listening to Tom’s low murmuring, Luke called for a cab that would see them home, leaving Tom on a seating-accommodation nearby. The airport was merely empty, no fangirls and no paparazzi to take care of. They should be fine for now. Only the next side glance towards Tom dampened his optimism a smidgen. With his head propped on his elbows and his eyes closed Tom sat there entirely quiet. Not even moving one single body part. The unruly ginger coloured curls stuck out in a non-typical way. Luke got the stealthy overall impression that the other looked way too weak and pale. Silently he ground to a halt in front of his protégé and crouched down to look him in the eye without forcing Tom to lift his head. Dull eyes looked up to him as Tom responded to the movement he had sensed in front of him. No bright shine as it was normally the case. All that had remained of the usually so composed man was the small false smile that flickered on his lips. Out of maternal instinct Luke raised his hand and reached for Tom’s cheek to caress it lightly. It felt surprisingly cold under his fingertips and he was barely able to suppress flinching. Unlike Tom who hadn’t moved an inch or shown any other sign of recognizing the fingers put on his cheek.

“You’ve been looking ill lately.”

“That’s just the jet lag.”

“What, a jetlag for like a time period of weeks?”

“I’ve not been looking ill since weeks.”

An upset glance was thrown at Luke and he knew he should shut up but he couldn’t. He started this and there was no further opportunity to talk about this until they would leave for the next interview. So not before tomorrow, and the fact that Tom looked thoroughly ill and worn out didn’t make Luke feel any better about leaving him on his own for an entire day.

“Look, just promise me to take care, yeah? It would neither be good for you nor good for your upcoming appointments if you came down with something.”

“Yeah, I promise. I’m sorry I have bothered you.”

He couldn’t possibly be mad at someone who looked at him with eyes so big they could easily compete with plates.

“You haven’t bothered me. I’m just worried.”

He rose to his feet again and turned his back on Tom to keep an eye out for their cab that should arrive within a few minutes and take them to their flats. A hot shower would do him good, maybe even a bath after their long flight. And perhaps Tom wouldn’t look so critically ill once he had relieved a tiny bit of stress.

A small group of businesspeople crossed a pedestrian crossing in a hurry even though it was far past ten. A few taxis arrived and departed but none of them seemed to be on the lookout. The long wait made Luke feel uneasy and jittery, checking his watch more than twenty times on a whole.

“You know the dates for the day after tomorrow, don’t you?”

He was rewarded with silence. Wondering if Tom had fallen asleep, which wasn’t as unlikely considering his weariness, Luke turned around to check on the person he had to shelter. “Tom, you asleep?”

Luke furrowed his brow as he realised that the seating area was empty. No sign of Tom far and wide, as if he had vanished off the face of the earth.

 _Well, maybe he’s just headed for the bathroom._ His attempt to assure himself failed miserably when he became aware of the fact that he would have heard Tom moving. And never ever would Tom leave without telling him where he’s going.

“Tom?”

As he averted his eyes from Tom’s hand luggage, he was greeted by his own reflection in the glass behind the bench on which the actor had just sat. He looked tired, too, but at his sole discretion much better than Tom. Who was nowhere to be seen; what definitely boded ill. Yet Luke couldn’t accept that Tom should have disappeared out of the blue. Not Tom; not when he was so damn tired that he wasn’t even able to stand upright and hold himself steady. Luke has known Tom long enough by now to be sure of the fact that it was indeed not that common for the other male to offhandedly vanish into thin air. Only in extreme cases Tom tended to show weird or different behavioural patterns that didn’t quite match his usual manner. It wasn’t an extreme case. At least that was what Luke reasoned after looking around and concluding that within a radius of not less than one mile there was no possible danger or threat. Okay, either this was a really absurd prank or Tom had gotten lost while searching for the bathroom in the airport. Luke himself did prefer the latter even if that meant that he had to go and pick Tom up.

“Mr. Windsor?”

He nearly jumped out of his skin as he heard the deep baritone and felt someone tapping him on the shoulder. As fast as possible he spun around, careful not to look too frightened or scared. He was a man, after all.

A male in his mid-forties stood in front of him, light stubble framing his otherwise clean shaved head, a striped scarf dangling casually off his neck above his neatly smoothed dark dress pants. Piercing blue eyes were fixated on Luke’s. It gave him the creeps. Remembering that he wasn’t an impolite person he cleared his throat and eased off the frightened expression on his face.

“Yes, that is me.”

“I’m your driver then. Do you have just the two suitcases?”

“Uh, yes, that’s it.” He watched silently as the taxi driver carried both suitcases to the car and packed them in the trunk of the black cab.

“Sir?” slight confusion was written all over his face. “Are you waiting for someone?”

“Actually… yes, I am. He will be here in a few minutes.”

He wasn’t so sure anymore but decided to keep that to himself. Maybe he should call Emma or someone of Toms’ friends but would that change anything? What would he even say? _Hey, Emma, I lost Tom, do you have any idea what to do? Stupid._ He was a manager, god dammit. He could handle the situation very well himself. It wasn’t necessary to ask anyone for help.

A nervous gaze towards his watch told him that it had been more than twenty minutes since Toms’ disappearance.

“You know what? I’ll be back within a minute.”

 _I just want to make sure, he’s fine_ , he supplemented his line of thought but didn’t speak out loud. Entering the suddenly slightly deserted airport Luke followed the information signs towards the nearest bathrooms but haltered in his very movements right before stepping in.

The lights were out.

_Why are the goddamn lights out? Airport toilets do have motion detectors. That doesn’t make any sense._

Nervously he squared his shoulders and cleared his throat noisily before he switched the flashlight of his smartphone on.

“Tom?”

Still there was no answer or reaction. Maybe he had fallen into the….. Luke pushed the thought aside. Tom had been dizzy and sleepy but not dumb. Also, the actor was a person that did everything, no matter what, with overwhelming graze.

“Tom, come on man. This is not funny. I’m trying to get you home here. You don’t wanna miss your warm bed, do you?”

By now Luke’s nerves were at breaking point. Permanently on red alert he spun round and scanned his surroundings systematically.

“Tom, I’m not really in the mood to play hide and seek with you. Come on now.”

He exhaled a subtle sigh and lowered the flashlight towards the ground, not expecting anything interesting there either. One second later a small gasp escaped his lips and his jaw dropped open. What the HELL?!

 


	2. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while now but I hope you'll enjoy this chapter anyways-  
> and thank you so much for reading.  
> Let me know what you think, if you want to :)

# 2

Luke let out an annoyed sigh as he watched the police men do their work.  
The two chief inspectors, who had arrived an hour later than the normal officers, had taken his evidence. It hadn’t been possible to pump an extremely tired Luke out for all the information they had actually wanted, nevertheless they seemed to be pleased with the answers they had gotten. Even if they had sceptically glanced at each other as he told them what he had just witnessed. The only thing that had made him a little bit more reliable had been the statement of the cab driver some time ago. It had been absolutely weird. In the aftermath Luke didn’t even remember what he had actually said. All he could recall was the blurry feeling, his itching fingertips and his aching head as they had questioned him about every little detail. When had their plane arrived? Had Tom carried all of his own luggage? Was something missing (besides the actor)? 

It didn’t help, though. He couldn’t quite get rid of the feeling that they didn’t believe a word he said. That they thought it had merely been his mind playing tricks on him, or even worse, that he had been hallucinating and Tom had gone home long ago. But if Tom had really gone home it should have been easy to just call him and close the case. And that the police still were there simply indicated that they hadn’t gotten through to Tom or that the team, they had sent to him, hadn’t found him there. 

Under the scrutiny of the two officers Luke rummaged around in his bag for his phone to give Emma a ring. She always waited for Tom to call her after he arrived home from a longer trip. Luke couldn’t imagine that someone had already informed her about her missing brother. Even though he didn’t quite know what he should tell her he couldn’t bear the thought of her waiting and waiting until eventually the police called her or she came to know about it through the press and the media.  
He was Tom’s manager, for heaven’s sake, he had to take on some responsibility and pull himself together. Albeit tired he typed in Emma’s number and waited for her to answer. It rang several times before he could hear a soft click.

“Hm? Luke’s that you? What’s up?” She sounded sleepy. He must have wakened her. “It’s late. Is Tom alright?”

_Of course_ , Luke thought, _she is equally as smart as Tom. Of course she would know that something’s wrong when you call that late. It’s almost midnight._

“Yah, hey, it’s me.” _Wonderful_ , he sounded like a complete fool. 

“What’s wrong? You never call me unless Tom insists on it for whatever reason.”

Dammit, she was right. It was no use beating around the bush, especially not when Emma already knew that something was sort of weird.  
“Listen, Emma, we’re still at the airport… well, _I’m_ still at the airport…”

“Luke, stop pussyfooting around and tell me what’s going on.” Now she didn’t sound amused or tired anymore but rather alarmed.

“Tom has disappeared.” Luke cleared his throat and had a short look around. When he felt somewhat safe and unobserved, he sat down on a nearby bench to continue they’re talk. “I had called for a cab and when I turned around he was gone. I hadn’t even lost sight of him.” 

An uneasy feeling arose in his stomach as he waited for an answer.  
The line remained silent for an utterly long time before Emma rose to speak again.

“What do you mean, he’s gone?” Yet her voice was calm, however, Luke was sure she was pacing up and down by now. “Did you call the police?”

“Yes, of course I called the police.” He glanced over his shoulder, realizing he was being watched.  
Once again he sighed and tore his hair. “I’m so sorry. I should have been more attentive. He is the person I care for, he is so important and I lost sight of him.”

Again there was a long silence on the other side, then a heavy sigh.  
“It’s….It’s okay… just call me if they find out something, alright?”

“I’m pretty much sure they’re going to call you by tomorrow anyway.”

“Don’t you try to be funny now, Windsor.”

“That’s not what I’m trying. It’s what I’m convinced of will happen.”

And again a sigh, more desperate now. “I know. I know. Let’s talk about this tomorrow, okay? I don’t want to say something stupid to you right now.”

“I see.” He knew she would blame him. He had actually prepared for that outcome, but he still felt uncomfortable and guilty. “Good night, Emma.”  
No answer, just the soft beeping after the hanging up.

_Okay, that’s it then. You’re terrible, Luke._ His inner voice scolded him but he did his best to ignore it. Most of the time it was indeed helpful, giving him advice here and there. But it didn’t bring Tom back, anyways, so why even listen to that useless interior monologue.  
_Now for fucks sake calm down, man, you’re not doing anyone a favour by constantly freaking out._

“Mr. Windsor?”  
Completely startled, Luke held back a gasp, quickly flattened his clothes and straightened his back. “Yes?”  
Both chief inspectors had come over to him, just to stand right in front of him and watch him closely.  
But what caused him all the more concern were the short glances they shot each other, full of uncertainty how he might react to whatever they had to tell him.

“What’s wrong? What’s wrong with Tom? Is he here? Did you find him?” He couldn’t hold himself back. Not anymore. Not when he knew exactly that Tom wasn’t safe at home, not in his bed where he should be right now.

“Please stay calm, Mr. Windsor.” The female chief inspector put forth her hand to show Luke what she was holding in between her fingers. In a transparent plastic bag lay a small card, an Identification card, more specifically, Tom’s identification card. Fine splatters of blood were splashed all over it, nearly covering all of Tom’s picture.  
“Is this Tom Hiddleston’s identification card?”

Blankly Luke stared at the item in front of his eyes. Blinking once, twice, then rapidly, not really knowing how to deal with that information. It was now that the ghastly truth dawned on him. Tom wouldn’t come back. Probably never.

“Mr. Windsor, please answer the question.” Suddenly the voice sounded more distant than before. “Is this the identification card of Thomas William Hiddleston?”

“Yes.” He had to clear his throat several times to at least rasp that simple and small word. It didn’t matter. Nothing did matter now, as they had found clear evidence that Tom hadn’t just gone home without telling Luke about it.  
“Is this… “ He gesticulated with both his hands and pointed to the card and the blood. _The blood. Jesus Christ, it’s so much._ “Is that Tom’s blood?”

By the way they observed him Luke could tell they weren’t sure how to judge his reaction. Not that he could have judged himself either. Too busy was his mind thinking about all the awful things that maybe, possibly could have happened to the never ever not smiling man that was Tom Hiddleston.  
What, if he was nearby? All alone, crying for help because he fell, or worse, someone took advantage of him while he merely tried to find the restrooms. What if all their efforts were too late? What, if Tom was already lying somewhere, cold and cadaverous, all bloodless-

“We’re not sure, yet. Our team is working on that.”

“Isn’t it obvious? Whose blood should it be otherwise? Oh my god I can’t believe it! Why is nothing happening? He can’t just have disappeared! That’s not possible… not logical.”  
Oh god, only now did he realize that perhaps they really, in complete earnest, thought Tom dead. Perhaps the amount of blood had been enough evidence for them. How was he supposed to stay calm? How?!

“Please, Mr. Windsor. Everything is fine, just steady your nerves. “ The female chief detective, whose name Luke had already forgotten - again - cracked a smile, seemingly to assure him of what she had just said. How she could even utter that – that everything was fine – was beyond him.

“I don’t… honestly, I don’t think that everything is _fine_ right now. Perhaps you didn’t notice, but there’s a man missing.” Okay, the blatant sarcasm wasn’t that necessary after all, admittedly, though he simply hadn’t been able to hold himself back. “Do you think this is _fun_ for me?”

“Do you think this is fun for _us_ , Mr. Windsor?” She sounded calm, collected, but the disapproving glance she threw him nearly screamed at him to shut up and choose his words more wisely. 

“No… No, actually, I don’t.” Luke stammered out and hung his head in shame and guilt, not sure how to further interact with them. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude or to offend you.”

“We understand that it is a difficult situation for you, but you have to stay calm, otherwise you would set back the investigation. It is our main priority right now to find Tom Hiddleston, hopefully alive.”

“Hopefully?” Hope was not a thing he could rely on, not a thing that assured him of Tom’s well-being.

“The blood found by you is not enough to kill someone as tall and healthy as Tom Hiddleston is. So there’s a great chance that he’s still alive.”  
A great chance. _A great chance is good. It’s really good._

“As long as the perpetrator treated the wound, we should be on the safe side.”

“Oh no…. I mean, yes, of course…of course. It’s great.”

“Do you think you can talk to us a second time? In the police headquarters?” It was the first time the male chief inspector chose to speak, his voice reserved and calm, unusually deep, even for a man. If Luke thought Toms’ voice to be a baritone, this man’s voice would be considerably lower, at least about one octave. And that was a lot, considering the width of the vocal cords. 

“It’s probably for your best if you would go home and catch up on a little bit of sleep. That’s our card. You can call us whenever you like and because of whatever you like. The best would be, of course, if you remembered something.”

Luke could just sit there and nod briefly, not daring to say anything at all.

“Is it possible for you to come tomorrow, 10 am? You can find our address on the card.”  
It was printed underneath the inspectors’ name and his phone number, a faint blue on a white background.

“Yes, 10 is okay.” He thought about Emma and the interview they had scheduled for 1 am, but quickly pushed the thought aside. Everyone would understand why he wouldn’t be able to pursue his own scheme. For such cases the agency always had backups ready to hand. He could take a few days off, at least until he had told the police everything he knew and had somehow gathered himself.

 

Half an hour later Luke sat in in his living room with a cup of tea in his hands, continuously thinking about nothing else than Tom and how the hell they were supposed to handle a situation like that, _emotionally._  
What, if it wasn’t just his fault that Tom had disappeared because he hadn’t paid attention? What, if Tom had had a stalker? And just hadn’t dared to say a word?

He tried to call the agency but of course no one answered, so he simply wrote an e mail, trying to explain everything, but eventually just sent a short text with basic information. The more difficult part was contacting Emma. How much was he allowed to say? Was he even allowed to say anything about what had happened? Or should he simply wait and let the agency do its job?

Going for the latter he switched on the TV in hope that he could calm his nerves by watching quiz shows, but he gave up quickly, realizing that the last thing he was able to do at that moment was sleeping. He wasn’t even able to focus on any of the questions that were asked in the show. Everything seemed blurry, as if he just had been on drugs.  
Frustrated he let out a deep sigh, wrapped himself in a blanket and coiled up on the couch.


End file.
